don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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