Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it was like having sex with a tree stump
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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