how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
