Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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