We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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