So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
