I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How's work?
Spinning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
