I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
