I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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