where am i from again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
