somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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