She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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