you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
