guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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