Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
