I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
