Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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