I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
