She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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