Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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