I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
