Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
