If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
