next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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