i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
