Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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