i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
