Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
