She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
