Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
