Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
