wakey wakey hands off snakey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
