Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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