i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
