2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
