Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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