I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
