Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am available for nakedness
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
