Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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