Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
