Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Girls should come with a carfax report
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
