so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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