i wish my penis had a tongue
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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