OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
