Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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