pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
