you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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