By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
