Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
