I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
