ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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