I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
