I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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