Having a random hookup so left but love u
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
