I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize