Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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