the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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