Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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