I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
