she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize