Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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