i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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