His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
