If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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