we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
