Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
