So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize