I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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