i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize