cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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